in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
