we're blogging at a bar
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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