It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
