I accidentally had phone sex last night
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
