Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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