if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
