I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
40s are totally the cure
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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