There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
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my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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