dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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