it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
