They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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