12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
