I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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