Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
