I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
