please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I supernannyed him into submission
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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