Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
