I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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