We're facebook friends in real life
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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