i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
