At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
