my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
