If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
