You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
