so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
