Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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