Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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