there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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