she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
