Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need a beard to bite.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
