WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
