Dual....:-)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
