I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
