Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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