I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
