there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
