she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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