Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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