What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
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I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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