She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was confusing and full of hummus
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
