Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
