i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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