every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
whose parrot is this?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
