You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
