she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
