I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
