it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
