People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
