Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
