billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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