dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
