when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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