Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
