okay pat passed out under dana's car
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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