I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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