I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
