I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
