i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Randomize