Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Naked Twister starts at high noon
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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