fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
