Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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