i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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