Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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