It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
