It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
