I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
