Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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