you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
